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We afresh showed you aloof how abominably some of Apple’s retail aristocratic behave aback no one’s watching, but absolutely they were able better, right? You bet they were: Apple tells its new recruits absolutely what what to anticipate and say. How do we know? We apprehend Apple’s abstruse Genius Training Chiral from awning to cover.



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It’s a biting attending central Apple: cerebral mastery, banned words, roleplaying—you’ve never apparent annihilation like it.



The Genius Training Student Workbook we accustomed is the company’s best up to date, we’re told, and runs a camp area of Apple Dos and Don’ts, bottomward to specific words you’re not accustomed to use, and acquaint on how to analyze and capitalize on animal emotions. The chiral could calmly serve as the Humanity 101 arbiter for a apprentice university, but at Apple, it’s an all-embracing chiral to compassionate barter and authoritative them happy. Sales, it turns out, booty a backseat to acceptable vibes—almost the absolute aggregate is committed to empathizing, consoling, auspicious up, and acclimation assorted Genius Bar confrontations. The assumption, it’d seem, is that a blessed chump is a chump who will buy things. And no bulk how abundant the Apple Abundance comes off as some affectionate of animated likeminded computer commune, it’s still a abundance aloft all—just one that puts an astronomic bulk of accomplishment abaft accepting central your head.

(Click to expand) Afore you can don the dejected shirt and go to assignment with the job appellation of “Genius” every business day of your life, you accept to complete a anxiously regimented, intricately appointed training program. Over 14 canicule you and will canyon through programs like “Using Diagnostic Services,” “Component Isolation,” and “The Power of Empathy.” If one of those things doesn’t complete like the other, you’re right—and acceptable to the actual amount of Apple Genius training: a bouncing admixture of abstruse abilities and sentiments beeline from a self-help seminar.



The point of this bootcamp is to ample you up with Genius Actions and Characteristics, listed calmly on a “What” and “How” account on folio seven of the manual. What does a Genius do? Educates. How? “Gracefully.” He additionally “Takes Ownership” “Empathetically,” “Recommends” “Persuasively,” and “Gets to ‘Yes'” “Respectfully.” The basal abstraction here, acceptance all the verbiage, is simple: Become able while actualization compassionate; actuate while appearing passive, and empathize your way to a sale.

No charge to chip words: This is cerebral training. There’s no agnosticism the archetypal cruise to the Apple abundance is on addition degree compared to big box retail torture; Apple’s agents is bar none the best accessible and knowledgable of any ample retail operation. A axiological allotment of their job—sans sales quotas of any kind—is artlessly to accomplish you happy. But you’re not at a spa. You’re at a store, area things are bought and sold. Your beatitude is aloof a agency to the banknote register, and the chiral reminds trainees of that: “Everyone in the Apple Abundance is in the business of selling.” Period.

(Click to expand) Although the conduct is usually bark deep, Apple gives new Geniuses a behemothic choke of the Kool-Aid appropriate off the bat. Folio 39 gives a briefing of Affairs Gadget Joy, by way of the “Genius Skills, Behaviors, and Values Checklist.” Affairs is a science, summed up with bristles beautiful letters: (A)pproach, (P)robe, (P)resent, (L)isten, (E)nd. In added words: Go up to addition and get them to accessible up to you about their accretion desires, insecurities, and needs; action them choices (of things to buy); apprehend them out; afresh allowance the day in a way that makes it feel like the chump has appear to this accommodation on their own. The chiral condemns pushiness—that’s a acceptable thing—but it additionally preaches a anatomy of salesmanship that’s hardly creepy: every Apple chump should feel empowered, aback it’s absolutely the Genius affairs strings.

In Apple-ese, this is put alternating in a alternation of maxims: “We adviser every interaction,” “We strive to inspire,” “We adorn their lives,” “We booty claimed action to accomplish it right,” which if swallowed, would accomplish any amateur feel like they’d aloof active up with a NATO peacekeeping force, not a abundance in the mall.

(Click to expand) The appellation “empathy” is afresh ad nauseum in the Genius manual. It is the salesman sine qua non at the Apple Store, auspicious Geniuses to “walk a mile in addition else’s shoes,” adventurous that mile ends at a acclaim agenda bash machine. It is not, the book insists in adventurous type, “Sympathy, which is the adeptness to feel apologetic for someone.” Geniuses are anon told not to apologize in a address anyone would alarm direct. If addition walks in bawl because their adamantine drive is fried, you’ll accept no actual consolation. “Do not apologize for the business [or] the technology,” the chiral commands. Instead, authentic affliction that the being is cogent emotions. A little apperception roundabout: “I’m apologetic you’re activity frustrated,” or “too bad about your soda-spill accident,” the book suggests. This is, of course, the agnate of cogent your adherent “I’m apologetic you feel that way” during a action instead of aloof answer for what you did.

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The another to acceptance that it artlessly sucks aback an Apple TV is bricked or buzz shatters, Geniuses are able to apply the “Three Fs: Feel, Felt, and Found. This works abnormally able-bodied aback the chump is mistaken or has bad information.”

For example:

Customer: This Mac is aloof too expensive.Genius: I can see how you’d feel this way. I acquainted the amount was a little high, but I begin it’s a absolute amount because of all the congenital software and capabilities.

(Emphasis added)

The action is brilliant. The Genius has switched places with the customer. He is she and she is he, and maybe that laptop isn’t too big-ticket afterwards all. He Begin it wasn’t, at least.

The chiral then, on the abutting page, presents 20 roleplaying scenarios for anniversary abecedarian and a accomplice to assignment out application the Three Fs. Fun.

(Click to expand) Folio 45 of the chiral might’ve been acceptable burden to accelerate with a abysmal amplitude probe, as it’d advice anyone alien with our breed accept “Emotion Portrayed through Nonverbal Gestures.” Neatly burst into a “Positive” and “Negative” cavalcade and afresh again by categories, addition afterwards any amusing arrangement can calmly apprentice that “blank stare” is a assurance of “boredom,” and “smiling” indicates “openness.” Application your “chair aback as a shield” is allegedly a assurance of “defensiveness,” as are “locked ankles and clenched fists.” Some accomplish a little beneath sense: a “cluck sound” is equated with confidence, “unbuttoning coats” too agency “openness,” “rubbing nose” is a betrayal for “suspicion or secretiveness.”

Tip: If you’re ambidextrous with a new recruit at the Apple Store, don’t put your “hand on hips” or accord a “sideways glance,” as you’ll appear off as both “aggressive” and “suspicious.”

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(Click to expand) Negativity is the bitter sin of the Genius. Disagreement is prohibited, as are a account of accustomed animal tendencies categorical on folio 80, which belie the advantage of empathy: consoling, commiserating, sympathizing, and demography accusation are all verboten. Acclimation a mistaken or abashed chump should be able application the byword “turns out,” which Apple says “takes you out of the average of an issue,” and additionally makes the accuracy assume like article that aloof accustomed serendipitously. For example, on folio 82:

Customer: The OS isn’t supported.Genius: You’d anticipate not, wouldn’t you. Turns out it is authentic in this version.

This is absolutely aloof an advanced, Apple judo adaptation of the chump is consistently right. But afresh there’s the account of words that aloof beeline up aren’t allowed, on folio 30. The chiral explains that “AppleCare’s acknowledged admonition has authentic [these] agreement that should be abhorred aback discussing artefact issues with customers.”

Did your computer crash? No, it “stops responding.” Never say crash.What if some Apple software has a bug? Wrong: there’s an “issue,” “condition,” or artlessly “situation.”You don’t “eliminate” a problem—you “reduce” it.No Apple articles are hot—at best they’re “warm.”

Switching “disaster” out for “error” ability accomplish faculty to calm bottomward a afraid client, but best of this is a beeline up whitewash, the sterilization of accent that could actual able-bodied be authentic for a accustomed problem. Sometimes there are bugs, laptops do run hot, and laptops crash.

(Click to expand) Fearless Acknowledgment is Apple’s appellation for institutionalized acquiescent aggression. On folio 58, it’s declared as an “open chat every day,” with “positive intent.” It’s best absolutely not “telling addition they are wrong.” Except that it is—just prevented in a quintessentially Genius approach of adept affinity and supercharged positivity aura.

On folio 60, the afterward chat is presented as a astute sample chat amid two Apple employees:

“Hi, adolescent Genius. I overheard your chat with your chump during the aftermost alternation and I accept some acknowledgment if you accept a moment. Is this a acceptable time?””Yes, this is a acceptable time.””You did a abundant job absolute the customer’s iPhone issue. I was anxious with how bound you batten to the customer. It seemed like you were hasty through the interaction, and the chump had added questions.”

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A few account later:

“Thanks for alert to the feedback. In the future, amuse accomplish abiding to arresting me if you charge advice rather than assignment too bound with a customer.”Thanks for giving it!”

I asked several above Geniuses if this affectionate of robot-speak was anytime acclimated afterwards it was appropriate during training roleplaying.

“Never.””Only during amount training, never on the floor.””Fearless Acknowledgment was absolutely hated about the place. If addition had Fearless Feedback, we’d listen, but afresh afterwards I’d accept this uncontrollable appetite to bite them in the face. We all begin it abundant added able to get Fearless Acknowledgment from the managers, which was added like feared feedback.””Sounds altogether normal, until you watch the videos and anticipate ‘who the fuck talks like that?!'”

No one. And yet on folio 61, Apple insists this affectionate of barbaric accent “is capital to advance Apple Retail culture,” as able-bodied as your claimed development.” But this isn’t a astute way to apprehend anyone to alone develop. As abundant as Apple operates like a bright abstruse mainframe, its underpaid attic workers will never action like the fair accessories they sell. It’s adamantine to apprehend them to, nor should we, perhaps, be afraid aback these expectations of all-powerful behavior are replaced instead by misbehavior.

But behaving, misbehaving, or annihilation between, it doesn’t matter. The Genius system, as alone from reality, astoundingly ambitious, sprawling, and accurate as it is, works. It works bigger than annihilation that’s anytime appear afore it, and every Apple Abundance has the sales abstracts to aback that up. Maybe it’s because the articles advertise themselves. Maybe it’s the aficionado fan base. Or maybe the blue-clad agents absolutely are central our active aback we airing abroad from the Bar.

Are you a accepted or above Apple Genius? Accept annihilation you appetite to share? Email me!

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