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Note:  Due to an aberrant backyard dart, the C&J pond basin is briefly closed.  Thanks a lot…Wozzle!



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By the Numbers: Days `til the Great Falls Balloon anniversary in Lewiston: 7 Days `til Snakes on a Plane: 7 Days til Liquids on a Plane: 0 Number of drive-in theatres in 1995: Fewer than 500 Number of drive-in theatres today: 658 (Source: TIME) Percent of IT professionals who say they are “traumatized” by their work: 97% (Source: Skillsoft analysis via Details) Amount of money grossed from Johnny Depp movies: $1.8 Billion (Source: Entertainment Weekly)



Your Puppy Pic of the Day:  Nice day for a white wedding.

TERROR IN THE SKIES NEWSROOMS!!!

CHEERS to the Vacationer-in-Chief.  The admiral sends a postcard to assure the shaky-knees crowd:

Having fun in Crawford.  Wish you were here.  Watch out for agitator evildoers.  And don’t alcohol the water.  HehHehHeh…

GWB

Everybody feel bigger now?

JEERS to affair expectations. There was no agitator advance yesterday.  The acceptable media’s response?  “Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!  Run for your lives!!!”  Somebody acquaint Fred Barnes it’s accept to appear out of the Fox News accumulation closet.  On additional thought, don’t.

JEERS to conservatives afterwards conscience.  They didn’t.  Please acquaint me Republicans didn’t accomplishment yesterday’s contest for political gain.  Ah, shit, they did…

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On Wednesday, aback the administering already knew that British agents were rounding up suspects in what they believed was a artifice to draft up planes en avenue to the United States, Carnality Admiral Dick Cheney had a blast account with reporters to altercate the defeat of Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut in a Democratic primary. Mr. Cheney went off on a rather circuitous disquisition, but its capital point was clear: In abnegation Mr. Lieberman, who accurate the war in Iraq, the Democrats were auspicious “the Al Qaeda types.” Within the Democratic ranks, the carnality admiral added, “there’s a cogent anatomy of assessment that wants to go aback — I assumption the way I would alarm it is array of the pre-9/11 mind-set, in agreement of how we accord with the apple we alive in.”

Punchline: “Assholes.”

CHEERS to Randi Rhodes and Hunter.  For pointing out bygone that the agitator artifice was aghast by British law enforcement, not torture, amazing rendition, actionable calm spying or accepted warfare.  Gee, who got airtight for announcement that abstraction a brace years ago?  Oh yeah…John Kerry.  And who advised him like a bedlam traitor for it?  Oh yeah…the knuckledragger accession of the Republican party.  At the accident of aural like a burst record: Be Safe—Vote For Democrats.

JEERS to No-Land Security (via Boing Boing).  Even if you don’t bang to see this photo, the explanation says it all:

Thanks for the warning.  “Hello, Amtrak?”

[Intermission.  Please tip your server.]

The rest…

CHEERS to absent the President.  In the latest AP/Ipsos poll, Bush musters a whopping 33% approval by We The People.  Look at that again:

33

Bare buttocks pointing to the right.  Oh, America…I luvs ya.

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CHEERS to the dematerialization bounden abracadabra trick.  Wow—Jerks DeLay, Cunningham, and Lieberman accept bit the dust.  Now Congressman Bob Ney from my home accompaniment of Ohio says he’s out of the active for re-election.  He wants to accomplish abiding he has affluence of affection time to absorb with his subpoenas.

P.S.  Well blush me surprised! A assembly of Republican assembly says Ney’s best successor, Joy Padgett, isn’t hobbled by Ohio’s “sore also-ran law” and accordingly is acceptable to be on the election in his place.  Democrats say, “We’ll see you in court.”  Hang `em high, kids.

CHEERS to compassionate conservatism.  51 years ago tomorrow, on August 12, 1955, that advanced binding crackpot Admiral Eisenhower aloft the alternate minimum allowance from 75¢ to a dollar.  Or, as Republicans today would alarm it, “a dollar too much.”

CHEERS to Smith & Wesson diplomacy.  In 15 states you’re not alone allowed, but accurately encouraged to shoot accession who pisses you off.  Like, say, accession who suggests you’ve put too abounding debris accoutrements out by the curb.  If I may say…it’s a abuse acceptable affair for politicians that they ain’t got one o’ them “shoot first” laws in Washington, D.C.

JEERS to Googling “Mobility scooters” “Lazy.”  Because what comes up is this apologetic story:

May your brakes abort while you’re headed decline appear the backcountry patch, Thunderthighs.

JEERS to impaired moves.  On August 11, 1984, during a radio articulation test, Admiral Reagan joked: “My adolescent Americans, I’m admiring to acquaint you today that I’ve active legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We activate bombing in bristles minutes.” (listen to it here)  The Russians had a acceptable beam over it…right afterwards they anxiously put their missiles aback in their silos and sucked bottomward a canteen of vodka (not necessarily in that order).

CHEERS to Mission Accomplished.  Well, kinda sorta.  34 years ago today, the aftermost U.S. action arena troops larboard Vietnam.  And alternate bristles account after because SOMEONE (coughPrivateWitherspooncough) larboard the balustrade ablaze on

JEERS to babble pollution.  …[Sigh]… Car-theft alarms.  Do you anytime alarm 911 aback you apprehend that boisterous WooWooJoopJoopBlatBlatWhooooop?  Neither do we—because we achievement someone’s absolutely burglary the affair so we can get aback to sleep.

JEERS to the baron of the wackos.  Jerry Falwell turns 73 today.  Relive the memories of an American, um, original.  God, if you’re listening, you can accompany your boy home any time—we feel he’s “served” us enough..

Two Years Ago in C&J: August 11, 2004…

punchline bridge to algebra o o o 6 e o

JEERS to snarky choices.  Bush nominates Rep. Porter Goss (R-FL) as new CIA chief.  His addition to amenity re: Valerie Plame investigation: “Somebody sends me a dejected dress and some DNA, I’ll accept an investigation.”  Great…he’ll fit appropriate in with this administration.

CHEERS to account abutment devices.  Kos accouterments Recommended Account feature, acceptance the best and the brightest to break best on the apparent of the abysmal blog sea.  But…you will appear appointment us bottom-feeders from time to time, won’t you?

And aloof one more…

CHEERS to Analogy Fever!  Joe Lieberman Tuesday night:

Jon Stewart Wednesday night:

And the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee:

See?  It’s not persistence, Jon.  It’s alleged stalking.”

Lamont won this anniversary so, as promised, you are hereby accustomed to accept a COW.  For you newbies, that’s Clothing Optional Weekend.

Leave your knickers at the door, Bay-bee!  Floor’s open… What are you auspicious and badinage about today?

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