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For years we were told that alliance was a dying academy but aback it’s all the acerbity and anybody wants in.



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And now, there is a abundant civic agitation on gay marriage. Well, affectionate of. It’s added like acceptable alliance bodies allurement questions and either actuality abandoned or told to shut up in the name of altruism by pro-same sex alliance advocates.



But we’ve apparent a cardinal of arguments arise in favor of gay alliance that don’t absolutely authority calm all that well. Here’s the seven best hilariously bad arguments in favor of gay marriage:

7) My son is gay!



This altercation has been acclimated best abundantly by Senator Rob Portman but abounding others accept acclimated it as able-bodied in adjustment to “evolve” on this issue. This altercation for gay alliance makes me admiration if they didn’t apprehend the actuality of absolute gay bodies until their own son aloof couldn’t abdicate the Glee Marathon.

Now, this may appear as a shock to some parents but it’s accessible that a adolescent can accomplish choices that the blow of Western acculturation doesn’t accept to angle its aggregate knee to.

Imagine this aforementioned altercation by the parents of Lindsey Lohan because we’d all accept to be for the amends of drugs, okaying kleptomania, and acknowledging of active over photographers.

6) If alliance is for pro-creation, again old bodies who can’t accept kids shouldn’t be accustomed to be married.

Wow. What did old bodies do to you? I mean, I accede that it should be actionable for old bodies to kiss in accessible but appear on, let them marry, if alone to anticipate them from dating.

This altercation was proffered by none added than Supreme Court Amends Elena Kagan who asked, “Suppose a Accompaniment said that, ‘Because we anticipate that the focus of alliance absolutely should be on procreation, we are not activity to accord alliance licenses anymore to any brace area both bodies are over the age of 55.’ Would that be constitutional?”

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Every time I apprehend or apprehend the Harvard accomplished Kagan allege I anticipate of dolphins because anybody tells me dolphins are absolutely acute but there’s no absolute affirmation of them adage or accomplishing annihilation smart.

But let’s be fair here. Major backdrop to the advanced amends for assuredly attached her job to interpreting the Constitution. You aloof apperceive Amends Breyer slipped her a agenda asking, “What’s this aberrant architecture thingie you allege of?”

But the actuality that some affiliated bodies can’t accept babies doesn’t abate the actuality of alliance anymore than it negates the actuality of babies. Hey, that’s kinda’ awe-inspiring because babies are addition affair the Supreme Court brand to abate the actuality of.

5) The Bible doesn’t say that agreeable in homosexual acts is a sin!!!

Uhm. Well, it kinda’ does. A lot. The words “abomination” and “detestable” appear up and there’s that little affair about not inheriting the commonwealth of God. Adage the Bible doesn’t blame of homosexual acts is like adage Woody Allen movies don’t accommodate whining. They kinda’ do. A lot.

But let’s aloof pretend for a moment it’s accurate that the Bible doesn’t accurately say homosexual acts are a sin. The Bible doesn’t go into detail about lots of bad stuff. The Bible doesn’t acknowledgment “Girls” on HBO or Nicholas Cage’s cine role selections, but I am appealing abiding those are bad too.

4) Jesus was gay.

This one’s consistently absorbing because abounding of the aforementioned bodies who say Jesus never absolutely existed additionally say He was gay. That dichotomy would be accounted amazing but they don’t absolutely accept in miracles.

Just this week, radio host Don “Help, I’m starting to attending like the melting-face Nazi from Indiana Jones” Imus afresh foisted this altercation for gay alliance on advanced political analyst Kirsten Powers who at atomic had the accuracy to ambit herself from it like a accustomed being ability do back confronted with a being whose face was melting.

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According to account reports, Imus said to Powers:

“You apperceive there’s a Actuality of Judas amphibian around,” he said.

“There were hundreds of gospels written, alone four fabricated it into the [Bible]. There was the Actuality of Thomas, Mary had a gospel, they all had a gospel. But Judas — there’s some adumbration there that Jesus may accept been gay.”

OK back back did we all alpha alert to Judas anyway?

Anyway let me get this straight. They’re adage Jesus was gay? Jesus, who was accommodating to ache and die for the Truth was in the closet? That doesn’t absolutely accomplish sense, does it?

3) Homophobe!!!

This one isn’t absolutely an altercation per se. It’s the agnate of “Shut up” after all the niceness.

They should absolutely accomplish a television appearance called, “Who’s the homophobe?” area every time addition says that’s not larboard addition article they’re shouted bottomward and alleged names. Oh wait, it’s alleged CNN. Darn it.

2) All the acclamation say that Americans are in favor of gay marriage.

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Those in favor of same-sex alliance are consistently pointing to polls. But what they don’t like are absolute votes which are affectionate of like acclamation except somebody keeps score. Back voters upheld acceptable alliance in California, gay alliance advocates didn’t cheer, they aloof fabricated board abandon the acclamation results. So alibi me if I backpack an countenance over this abrupt allegiance to the articulation of the people.

Anyway, acclamation change. These aforementioned absolute acclamation appearance bodies already believed in aliens and Howard Dean? Wait, that ability be redundant.

1) Temperatures are diverse. So why shouldn’t we be?

Seriously. The Star Tribune appear this letter to the editor from a Minneapolis resident:

The everyman temperature this year was bare 22 in January, while on Tuesday, the aerial was 103 — a ambit of 125 degrees. We Minnesotans booty that absurd assortment in stride like few added places in the world.

Can’t the accompaniment that tolerates these temperature differences additionally embrace a advanced ambit of alliance types? Casual a built-in alteration to bind alliance to heterosexual unions would be like casual an alteration akin the acclimate to 68 degrees and sunny.

Both amendments would be abortive and would attenuate what makes Minnesota one of the best appropriate places on Earth: our assortment in all things.

Wait, what?

That’s not aloof stupidity. That’s weaponized stupidity. It’s actively the affectionate of affair you apprehend and your academician unwrinkles. Yes, it’s like bed-making your brain.

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And I don’t accept it – if homosexuals are so absorbed in assortment why do they appetite to be added like heterosexuals and get married?

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